«Allow it by opening your heart up to it. Move toward it. Know that you can handle the emotion. It’s just a vibration in your body.» — Brooke Castillo

The Underappreciation of Feeling

Feeling is a skill that many of us need to reclaim. In a world that often tells us to prioritize only the positive, we can easily lose sight of the richness of our emotional experiences. We’re conditioned to think that feelings need to be handled by amplifying or diminishing them through consumption—shopping, indulging in comfort food, or diving into distractions. It’s time to recognize that our emotions are valuable teachers, not just signals that should be magnified or avoided. Embracing and understanding how to manage our emotions increases our self-awareness, which is essential for personal growth and authentic living. How aware are you of all your feelings?

Escaping Emotional Pain doesn’t Help you Grow

When life gets tough—which it often does—we often seek distractions to escape our discomfort. Binge-watching shows, indulging in sweets, or scrolling through social media may provide temporary relief, but this disconnection can leave us feeling unfulfilled. Numbing our feelings doesn’t truly serve us if we want to evolve into finding the confidence to carry out our vision and lead a genuine life.

Confronting Emotional Buffering: Understanding Why

An urge is typically an automatic defense mechanism that arises when we encounter challenges. Acting on these urges can provide temporary relief, but if we rely on them, they can lead to unhealthy patterns. When we engage in these forms of addiction we are hiding from ourselves and not being authentic.

Common Forms of Emotional Buffering

  • Obsessive people-pleasing
  • Perfectionism
  • Over-achieving
  • Procrastination
  • Codependency
  • Over-justification

When we don’t Understand our Emotions, we Fake them

So, what do we do when the urge to buffer discomfort strikes? While avoiding our pain may offer temporary relief, it also diminishes our capacity to fully experience joy. Pushing down our true feelings leads to faking both happiness and sadness, leaving us unsure of how to hold space for overwhelming emotions. Is it worth it?

Breaking the Cycle: Avoiding, Resisting, or Reacting?

We often find ourselves in a cycle of avoidance, resistance, or reactivity towards discomfort. These approaches drain our energy and disconnect us from our authentic selves. To break free, we must understand that escaping discomfort affects our freedom and growth, leading to a life that’s only half-lived. Authentic living needs us to embrace all of our feelings.

Awareness Fuels Growth

Awareness is a beautiful gift we receive when we face our challenges head-on. By familiarizing ourselves with our urges and addictive patterns, we can make wiser choices in alignment with our values. However, we need a compelling reason to change; without it, our minds will easily pull us back into old patterns. Sometimes, that reason comes from allowing ourselves to embrace the inevitable pain and sadness that arise in our lives.

You Create Your Feelings

Remember, “Our thinking shapes our emotions.” How we interpret situations directly influences how we feel. By recognizing that we’re the narrators of our own stories, we can take ownership of our feelings.

Questions to Reflect On:

  • What are you making things mean that causes you to feel this way?
  • Can you notice your thoughts and acknowledge them?
  • Can you be kind to yourself as you choose to embrace and understand your difficult emotions?
A woman feels empowered as she uses her mind in a way that serves her well

Strengthening Your Inner Compass

Building resilience brings countless benefits. By enhancing self-control and discipline, we sharpen mental clarity and focus. It’s not about striving for perfection; it’s about deepening our understanding to make decisions for authentic living.

Rediscovering Authenticity

Managing our urges can lead to newfound clarity. This clarity allows you to connect deeply with your true feelings and express your real needs. This skill set is essential for understanding which choices result in leading a life that feels true .

A Newfound Confidence

As your awareness grows, so will your physical and emotional health. By consciously avoiding behaviors that numb your feelings, you create a healthier vessel for self-expression and authenticity. This shift enables you to process your emotions constructively, using them to understand and heal rather than letting them weigh you down.

Strategies for Managing Urges

  1. Journaling: Track your thoughts and feelings to gain insights and understand your motivations. For more guidance, consider reading Healing Through Words by Rupi Kaur .
  2. Creative Outlets: Engage in activities like singing, painting, or dancing to channel your emotions productively. If you’re looking to find your leadership voice through singing, check out Monifa Harris and the OMance Vocal Resonance Method here.
  3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Enhance your ability to notice urges and transform challenges into growth opportunities. Explore Lovingkindness meditation with Sharon Salzberg here for practical techniques.
  4. Seeking Support: Don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a coach or accountability partner to stay aligned with your life’s vision. For personalized coaching and to connect with a community of bold, empathetic women leaders, subscribe to my blog here.
  5. Energy Medicine: For insights into energy healing, check out Dona Eden and the Eden’s Method here to explore how energy medicine can support your emotional journey.

Self-Transformation: A Game Changer

Embracing our urges and learning to manage them is a profound leap toward personal growth. By resisting the temptation to numb discomfort, we reclaim our emotional power, opening the door to genuine happiness and authentic connections.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Management

As you learn to manage your urges, you will likely notice a surge in your productivity as well. What you offer the world from this space of connection and self-awareness has the potential to influence and impact those around you in remarkable ways.

In essence, by nurturing this relationship with ourselves, we not only elevate our own lives but also inspire and uplift others. Together, we create a ripple effect of empowerment and positive change toward authentic living and self-expression.

Call to Action: Reflect on your emotional experiences today. What can you embrace to foster personal growth? Share your thoughts in the comments below

Julia Santafé, MA
Founder, She Knows How