The Importance of Self-Care: Attention, Self-Fulfillment
Throughout my journey, I’ve learned that giving my attention to others, their needs, and expectations can be a beautiful thing, but only after I have already taken the time and energy to fill up my cup first. I am still working on this simple equation and I still seem to believe some others, like my children, do really come first. But this article is not about my role as an empathetic mother so much. It is about my birthright to be bold about using my life as an opportunity to figure out who I am, and what I need to do for my life to feel right on track and move forward in ways that feel expansive.
The Impact of Upbringing: Insecurities, Patriarchy
Taking a look at how it all started, I can see how being raised as a Catholic under Patriarchy may have had a lot to do with my insecurities. As a Catholic, I was raised to believe others mattered more than me: family, teachers, adults, the elderly, and of course an almighty God who, according to constant reminders by the Catholic faith, was willing to use their mighty powers and wisdom to judge me for my unworthy and ill ways as a human. I always felt this way of spreading the faith was shady but, nonetheless, it did have an impact on my confidence as a woman. As from the effects of Patriarchy over women, I was raised to believe that my value as a woman could only come from others, not my own beliefs. Of course, others would see value in me according to how they felt around me. As a woman, I grew up believing I was responsible for how others felt about me, and the only way to earn points in this ranking system was to look nice enough to be noticed, behave kindly enough to be liked, and keep my attention out to learn how to conform to those standards. Needless to say, this upbringing didn’t serve me. It is actually shocking to see how many people around me were invested in limiting my freedom to feel worthy and curious to figure out who I really was in my very own eyes, heart, and mind.
The Cost of Conformity: Power, Validation
The culture around me felt so normative that I learned to give my power away to others in exchange for their love, safety, and validation of my worthiness. The whole dynamics often led to disappointment and frustration for me. It took a long time of feeling repeatedly annoyed and discouraged over the lack of reciprocity as my big efforts were yielding net negatives. I even tried to convince myself to use meditation to stop wanting to feel better. I was hoping a half-hearted life would actually feel less daunting than a frustrated one.
Embracing Transformationt: Realization, Empowerment
Needless to say, my essence kept roaring inside myself refusing to be tamed or dormant. So I hit a point of no return and decided to take a different approach. It wasn’t until I realized that my vision was mine to nurture, protect, and manifest that everything changed for the better. I wouldn’t trust my babies with just anyone, and likewise, my heart’s desires were just as precious. I began to listen to my heart and inner wisdom. I became a pioneer of my dreams. I broke new ground to honor my desires and aspirations. My pain and need for healing sparked my transformation because I refused to settle for less. I believed there had to be a better way to thrive as me. So I took baby steps, giant steps, fearful steps, but nonetheless steps they were.
Discovering Identity Through Music and Experience: Self-Discovery, Cultural Influence
Though I lacked formal musical training, I began writing my own songs. Born in Spain, I chose to feed from other cultures, so I worked as an educator in three different countries. I evolved into a cultural hybrid shaped by experiences that resonated with my authentic self and not so much my culture of origin. In my quest for meaning, purpose, and spiritual support, I discovered that self-love is the most important lesson we can learn.
Finding Purpose in Personal Dissatisfaction: Self-Reflection, Legacy
If you are feeling dissatisfied with your life, believe there is a reason for that and it is your job to figure that out. As an empathetic woman, you will do it for yourself and the legacy you will pass on to your loved ones. Hopefully, you can set them up on a better start from the beginning!
Here are five mistakes that can keep you stuck in a life you don’t want:
1. Avoiding responsibility for your life
Deciding to take personal accountability means committing to having your own back through life’s ups and downs. This commitment can be intimidating, and a part of our brain may try to convince us it’s not worth the effort. This often stems from feelings of unworthiness when it comes to doing the work of self-love and accountability. Get support and do the work. It is the only way to make progress!
2. Numbing Discomfort
In today’s society, we are constantly encouraged to feel good, leading many to seek distractions rather than confront their pain. People often turn to comfort foods, alcohol, or other ways to mask their negative feelings. This societal norm can make those who choose sobriety or self-reflection feel out of place. Activities like people-pleasing and striving for perfection are common ways we numb ourselves too, delaying the opportunity to truly understand the cause of our feelings and make lasting changes.
3. Projecting Pain onto Others
It’s easy to blame others for our challenges, believing that this projection gives us a sense of control. While venting can feel therapeutic, it does nothing to change our reality. Victimizing ourselves and accusing others only perpetuates a cycle of powerlessness. Instead, embracing our pain can transform it into a more aligned and joyful life. By shifting our focus inward, we can influence others in more authentic ways.
4. Staying on the Hamster Wheel
Many of us find ourselves trapped in a cycle of stress and business, avoiding ownership of our life circumstances. This lifestyle can lead us to neglect the important work of self-reflection and personal growth. It’s essential to step off the hamster wheel and take charge of our lives. If something doesn’t work for you you need to do something about it as soon as possible.
5. Neglecting Self-Love Practices
In our modern world, we often lose touch with spiritual practices that nurture our true essence. Many of us feel disconnected from traditional religious frameworks that can feel repressive. We must cultivate our own spirituality, honoring our relationship with ourselves. Practicing self-love is crucial for true healing; it empowers us to feel our emotions and take responsibility for our actions.
Understanding the importance of self-love can be transformative. Once we embrace our worthiness, we waste less energy on unfulfilling situations and relationships, leading us to pursue our desires more effectively. Ultimately, we are here to be our true selves. This is how we contribute positively to the world around us. What are you going to do to put your hands back on the steering wheel and drive your life where you need it to go? Ask yourself some thought provoking questions and put your highest brain to work for you. Remember to do this work from a space of self respect and compassion. Getting support is key. Your life is now. Show up for it! I believe in YOU.
Julia Santafé, MA
Leadership Coach
sensitivity-know-how.com
